Fixing Craigslist – Hillbilly Edition – February 2011

It’s been a little while since the last time I blogged—unemployment is a bitch—so I thought I would throw something together from the tragic shambles of our favorite hall of shame.

As I was compiling this edition, I couldn’t help but notice how hillbilly redneck the posts were.  Accordingly, I now present: Fixing Craigslist – Hillbilly Edition.

Looking For Jess – m4m
This is uncle Lee I lost your contact information please text me. I would really like to hook up with u again.

This is either incest in the making or very poorly worded.

hay scott – m4m – 23 (conroe)
This is a long shot but here goes seen u have a ring so u must be marred but I get a vibe from u wen we talk I’m working on your office today we talked about a side job erlyer and u got my copanys # off my short if u r interested in hangen out with me come by and give me your # or email me on here and ill give u mine I know how to be quiet about things no one would know but us

Thank you for reaffirming every stereotype anyone has ever had about Conroe, Texas—my spell check just committed suicide.  I have no idea if they have Beyonce out in the sticks, so I won’t make a “Single Ladies” reference regarding the ring.

Overalls – 1851 Club – m4m (Arlington, TX)
I have to get this out somehow, so this is probably the best manner to do it. I want to spend more time with you despite our limiting situations. I do really meant what I said; I want to see you in nothing but a pair of overalls. Damn you make me hot, and you know who I am.

I am pretty sure that “despite our limiting situations” is code for “despite us both being in relationships.”  And what the hell is with the overalls fetish?  Nothing says romantic like a candle-lit dinner with a banjo in the background.

TUM EXTRA STRENGTH – 42 (WALMART)
I TOLD YOU THE TUMS WOULD BE BETTER THAN THE CHEAP SHIT! YOU STILL TAKING THE VITIMANS?

I’m sure she would still be taking the prenatal vitamins; however, she regrettably misspelled her name on the WIC application.  As such, she could no longer afford to carry your spawn and she was forced to have a wire hanger abortion.

I’ve said it time and time again: Proper spelling and appropriate grammar will get you far in life.  Poor spelling and grammar will only get you in bed with your one-armed cousin or Charlie Sheen.

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