Fixing Craigslist – December 2010

‘Tis the season to ho, ho, ho…

looking for ty – m4m – 47 (ceadar springs woodys)
you had on a blk jacket and sat at the bar around 5 maybe 6 on saturday. You were young and had brown hair with red or grey tshirt on. I’m 5’2/220/drk complected and had on grn striped hoodie. i thought u might be into me and i wanted to buy you a drink and ask u to dinner but u were with friends and left before we could talk. email me your pic so i know its you.

This. can’t. be. happening.  For the love of all things 80-Proof, why is a bizarrely disproportionate and color-blind guy looking for me?!  For the record: No, I was not into you! And for vodka’s sake, learn to spell.

The guy who lives below me . . . – m4m
You and your girlfriend live in the apartment below me. I came home about 20 minutes ago and could easily see you bent over the couch getting banged by a dude in your living room. Next time be sure to close your vertical blinds all the way when getting nailed with the lights on, or at least angle them away from the parking lot, or maybe take it into the bedroom. FYI: I hooked up with the same dude a year ago, and though he’s got a pretty big tool, he did give me crabs. Yes, I’m sure it is the same dude. His tattoos are unmistakable. Anyway, I suggest a full bottle of Rid-X before the girlfriend gets back in town.

Crabs are God’s way of telling you that you’re doing too much.  It builds character. Inspires change.  Those crabs are going to be one of the best things to ever happen to him, I just know it.

7-11 U helped me w/ the pump – m4m (360 Trinity)
thanks for ur help with the pump… we had same color vehicle & talked about sitting around naked.. hit me up discreet here

Apparently, discreet is the new obvious.  Seriously, if you talked to a complete stranger at a gas station about sitting around naked, you are not discreet.  And why did you need help with the gas pump?  Was it really that much of a challenge?

Need to get pregnant fast by clean educated man – w4m
Looking for a light skinned man to get me pregnant this coming weekend or early next week. You will need light brown blonde or red hair. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for months now and my doctor says I’m fine so it must be him–it would kill him not to have kids. Be drug and disease free. I figure we can try a couple of times while I’m visiting this week and hopefully I will be pregnant for my flight back home. Send a couple of pictures of yourself, especially want nude pics–can’t do this if I’m not attracted to you. And tell me a bit about yourself.

So…  He’ll be crushed if you don’t get pregnant.  I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that if he finds out you got knocked up by an out-of-town one-night stand you met on Craigslist, he’s not going to be any happier.  Have you considered a turkey baster?

holaaaa! – m4m – 23 (Plano)
That’s what you say to me all the time. We play video games together and we do other things together too. I’m not sure what we are, but it’s been bugging me for a while. I’ve started to have more feelings for you, more than I would have for any of my other normal friends, and because of that I’ve tried to pull away and not see you as much, but it doesn’t help. Everytime I hear my phone get a text, I get nervous just hoping that it’s from you just to say “good morning” or “holaaaa”. I really like you, but I’m too scared to say it to your face, so I try to play it cool and act like you’re nothing to me when in fact, it’s very much the opposite. If I could, I would be with you every night, not just for the sex, but to just be close to you, smell your scent and touch your skin and feel your presence next to mine. I know you could have any guy you want, and I have a few choices myself too, but I don’t want anyone else, I want you all for myself. Today, I am thankful that I know you and that you’re even in my life.

It’s kinda sweet.  Like a Craigslist fairy-tale or something.  Perhaps love actually is all around us… And scene.

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