Fixing Craigslist – July 2010

I’ve had a few people send me craigslist ads that they have stumbled across—I’d much rather you send me vodka or a bouquet of miniature liquor bottles—so I have decided to write a craigslist blog each month as a permanent addition to The World According to Ty.

Although you are welcome to send me especially entertaining ads for consideration, please be aware that only the worst content will be selected for publication.

John Peter Smith Hospital – m4m – 26
You caught my eye this afternoon in the waiting room. When I was getting ready to leave we ended up in the elevator together. You are a very attractive Hispanic guy. What were you wearing? How many of us were in the elevator when we were leaving? If you see this would love to get to know you better!

How hard did you hit your head and why did they let you leave the ER? He was wearing a hospital gown! And as for how many people were in the elevator… Do you count as a whole person? From just this post it’s clear to me that you’re not all there.

Chick-fil-a in Denton on 288 – m4m – 18
Hey, doubt you’ll see this but it’s worth a shot. Your name’s Ethan I “think’ but I’m not100% sure. You had cute bleach blonde hair. You handed me my food at the Drive-Thru and we had a little flirty conversation about “something”. Reply with what we had a conversation about.

“Can I take your order,” is not intended to be flirtatious. For $8 an hour, rest assured that when someone asks you “what kind of sauce you’d like,” the only ranch you’re getting is the regular dipping sauce. P.S. Drive-thru and bleach blonde hair are probably two good indications that he’s still in high school or has failed in life.

blockbuster boy – m4m – 24
u work at blockbuster on beach and western center. saw u tonight – u were pretty cute. not sure if ur gay or not, but wud like to meet up and hang. hit me back – tell me ur name if u remember me, tell me what movie(s) i rented. Let me know what ur lookin for and let’s hook something up.

Go back up there. Rent Steel Magnolias, Pretty Woman, First Wives Club, and Fried Green Tomatoes. If he is gay, one of those movies is bound to be his favorite and will spark a comment. If it does, invite him to join you. For extra good measure, you can ask him to confirm your address and phone number is up to date in their system. Also: you. need. spell. check.

24hr Rockwall – m4m – 38
We were in the steamroom this evening. You have one damn hot body! You were wearing biker type pants. Would liked to have given you a hand. If you would like to get together in the steamroom, let me know. It would be wild. Send me a pic so I know it’s you.

Did I misread this, or did someone really wear leather biker pants into the steam room? I didn’t realize that the transvestite from the Rocky Horror Picture Show had a bastard child with Richard Simmons. I’ll bet after thirty minutes in there he probably spends the rest of the week walking like a velociraptor in a Pride Parade.

equinox thursday night 0 highland park – m4m – 29
wow….. is this what i have come to….. have no other option but to try to reach out to you here. You were tall…tan… wearing brown with a beard and soccer shorts… i felt something and i think it was mutual…. Hoping you see this… didn’t want to be awkward at the gym trying to say hi…

Wow, Craigslist is really like the internet alternative to wishing on a star or blowing out candles. What exactly did you mutually feel? Perspiration? And yes, why be awkward at the gym with one person when you can be awkward in front of everyone online instead? As it happens, one of my friends works out at Equinox. He is tall, tan, and is probably wearing soccer shorts as he is reading this blog. Keep your fingers crossed.

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